The many faces of depression

 I'm surrounded by people but I feel alone.

I'm successful but I feel like I'm a failure.

I'm laughing but I'm sad.

I'm expected to not feel anything,

I'm expected to not go through pain

I'm expected to be everybody's shoulder

I'm expected to be everybody's savior

I'm expected to chin up everytime something happens

I'm expected to always forgive

I'm expected to always forgive

I'm expected , always expected

Nobody can see the tear soaked pillows

Nobody notices the bags under my eyes

Nobody notices the sadness in my eyes

Nobody notices the pain in my voice

Nobody notices, Nobody ever does

Deep deep in my mind, I've contemplated taking my life

I've imagined and replayed my funeral

I've imagined replayed the scene and fake sadness everybody will then share

Everyday i struggle with these thoughts , i have to constantly remind myself to be happy

I've taken to disassociation, I just pretend now that things don't affect me

I just go about my day and put on my prettiest smile

But on some days I fail.

Then I do something as radical as cutting my hair

Putting on colourful hair extensions

Over loving people close to me 

Being overly understanding

Going on a drinking binge

Anything and everything, anything just so I don't think, I don't feel.

Its a constant and daily struggle, but the show must go on so they say.